(And I hate all of them way more than Nickelback, who I still kind of like, against all my better judgement.)
First of all, I hate David Cook's stupid, stupid hair. If there were an entry for pretentious poser, douche-bag in the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the entire text would just say: "David Cook's stupid douchey hair."
I hate every incarnation of facial hair I saw when I looked him up on Google Image Search just to confirm for myself that I despise looking at him as much as I remembered I did.**
And, oh man, don't even get me started on the whole 'Hipster Rockstar' look he's going for with the vests and the scarves and the jewelry. Just... uck.
I mean come on, just look at him. I can't believe I could even bring myself to look at this long enough to post it.
I hate his stupid faux-emotional, strained voice. He manages to sing every single word like it's causing him to feel intense, manly feelings while still avoiding any actual depth of emotion or nuance.
At one point, while writing this, I started to run out of hatred-steam. I thought to myself, I'm probably blowing this out of proportion. He can't really be that bad. Maybe I might even like one or two of his songs.
So I went on iTunes and listened to a couple selections and I immediately wanted to rip my laptop in half. Just completely destroy it so it never made that noise again.
And so that I didn't accidentally let 'Time of My Life' go on too long. Cause if it did then I might start to want to sing along.
And if that happened I would be forced to never allow myself to hear music again. Because it would be the only form of punishment aside from actually pouring acid into my ear canals that could ever make anything OK again.
God, I hate him.
**After which I immediately erased my Google search history so that no one would ever see David F@*king Cook on there.
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