Corpse Bullets

If you watch The Colbert Report or possibly Fox News you may have already heard this, but I just saw a story about a company that can now turn your ashes into bullets when you die.

Yes, you read that correctly.  In your will, you can now state that when you pass on to your eternal resting place, you want to be cremated and then have your remains shaped into projectiles.  Which can then kill other living things that can then also be turned into ash-bullets.

Here's a quote from one of the founders:

"You know I've thought about this for some time and I want to be cremated. Then I want my ashes put into some turkey load shotgun shells and have someone that knows how to turkey hunt use the shotgun shells with my ashes to shoot a turkey. That way I will rest in peace knowing that the last thing that one turkey will see is me, screaming at him at about 900 feet per second."

To which I say:

"What the fuck?"

First of all, what did that turkey ever do to him?  He can't rest in peace unless he knows that turkey got what's coming to it?  Was his mother raped and murdered by a gang of turkeys?*

What kind of person is so homicidal that it's not enough for them to shoot regular bullets at things whilst still alive; they feel the need to actually become a bullet?

How is this man allowed out in the world with regular people?  I don't even want to think about the things he does for fun on the weekends.  The amount of pent up aggression must just burst forth from him in explosions of destruction and mayhem.  He probably has rage black-outs.  And then when he wakes up, surrounded by body-parts and viscera he's probably bummed that he missed out on all the fun. 

Sidenote:  I can almost see the appeal of this invention for executions.  Like, maybe you put a note in your will that says, "I would like to be cremated.  And in the event that I am murdered, I would then like my ashes shaped into the bullets used by the firing squad that takes out my murderer.  But otherwise, just regular cremation is fine."

*Incidentally, a group of turkeys is actually called a gang.