But if there's one aspect of human behavior that mystifies me the most (at this particular moment) it's this: What the fuck is up with those shiny metal balls that people put in bird baths in their front yards?
Seriously, what the hell is the deal with those things?
They're ridiculous and I would understand their existence if I only saw them in rednecks' yards next to lifelike replicas of deer, pink flamingos and those wooden boards that look like a fat lady bending over in her garden. Because everyone knows poor people are tacky.
But the inexplicable appeal of these lawn ornaments overcomes class barriers. I see these things freaking everywhere. And they're always on a pedestal like they're some kind of treasure that needs to be displayed before the world.
Do they signify membership in some kind of secret society that I don't understand? Are they the totem of a religion that worships tasteless, shiny crap?
WHY DO THEY EXIST??
**If anyone discovers that this dream has become a reality, please inform me immediately.
***Correction: M&Ms are made by Mars, not Hershey's. Thank you Maury for that information.
