Every dialogue is fraught with opportunities to make an ass of yourself. But unless you have Asperger's Syndrome or some other debilitating social disorder, it should be possible for you to interact successfully with other human beings.
And while I am in no way claiming to be an expert on the matter who never annoys people or says the wrong thing, here is a list of some of the points I try to keep in mind:
1. First and foremost, know your audience.
You are going to meet many people in your life. Some of them will be interested in your theory regarding what happened to Starbuck in the finale of Battlestar Galactica and some of them will not.
Ok, most of them will not. This is a lesson I have learned the hard way over the years.
In this situation it is important to pay attention to what kind of responses you are getting. Generally speaking, depending on the politeness of the person you're talking to, you may notice that you have only gotten a few 'Uh huh's or a blank stare. This is your signal to change topics. If you're lucky, they will still be willing to continue talking to you. If not, they may have already walked away. In this case you have failed.
Also under this category, when considering your audience it is important to calibrate your language and tone. How old is the person you are talking to? Your friends may appreciate the many and varied uses of the f-bomb or your willingness to drop the c-word into a casual chat, but will the middle-aged mother of two who sits in the cubicle next to you?
Furthermore, there is a time and place for refreshing honesty and a time and place for subtle brown-nosing. Being yourself is an admirable goal to aspire to, but in a job interview it is probably best to try to be the most polite, non-potty-mouthed, sun-shiniest version of yourself.
2. Secondly, don't try to win the conversation.**
No matter who you are, there is always going to be someone out there who is smarter and/or funnier than you are. Accept this fact. If you find yourself talking to someone who obviously out-stripes you in the brains department, just let them have this one. Trying to fight it will only make you appear sad and desperate.
On the flip side, there will also always be people out there who are dumber than you. Don't rub it in. Go ahead and bask in the glow of your own genius, but keep it to yourself.
3. Active Listening
This is a skill that I would hope most people develop on their own out of common sense and a degree of empathy. However, some people do not. And for those people there are classes on the subject and Powerpoint presentations.
Active Listening means paying attention to what the other person is saying and then acknowledging in some way that you have understood them. Pretty simple, right?
Well, for some people, it is apparently not. You may know someone like this. You may find yourself talking to them and realizing that not only have they not responded, but they are not even looking at you anymore.
And yes, this may be a sign that you are talking to the wrong person about Battlestar Galactica again. But that's not the point. The point is that a conversation is a two way street and in order to hold up your end of the bargain you need to at least put up the pretense that you care.
A person who is using Active Listening in this situation would say "I'm sorry, but I have no idea what a Cylon is. Can we talk about something else?"
Along those same lines, when the other person is talking you should be listening. Because what you say next should be a response to what you just heard.
If it is not it means that you are a self-centered tool who does not actually care what the other person has to say. It means that what you really want is to hear the sound of your own voice. It means you might as well just stay home and record videos of yourself to post on YouTube.
4. Let the conversation flow.
A good conversation is like a river, you never know where it will lead.
Wait, that doesn't work.
A good conversation is like a winding road...? No.
A good conversation is like... getting directions from drunk girl at a bar?
Whatever, you get what I'm trying to say.
When you enter into a dialogue with someone you may start out talking about your boss and twenty minutes later find yourselves trying to come up with a food that doesn't taste better with cheese on it. Who knows how you got there?
You can't force a good conversation. So don't try.
You may have started this confab because you really wanted to express how much you wish people would stop hiring Channing Tatum but if your partner does not share your ire, the discussion probably won't stay on that topic for long.
You're going to need to be willing to go with the flow. If your hatred for Tatum is so strong that you cannot let the subject go, again, you should probably just record your rant and post it on YouTube.
Or, you know, blog about it.
There are other ways to fail at talking, but most of them are obvious. Like don't only talk about yourself and how awesome you are. Or try to avoid straight-up insulting people to their face. If you have trouble with these issues you are probably beyond my help.
In conclusion, from now on I expect nothing but stimulating conversation from everyone I know. Because anything less will mean that you haven't read this and therefore don't care about me.
**In the situation that the person you are talking to is breaking one of these rules or is in some other way a douche-bag:
- Smarter-Than-You-Douche-bag - Just walk away. Anything else will only end in tears.
- Dumber-Than-You-Douche-bag - Go ahead and rub it in.
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