The Girl Who Didn't Know Who Tom Hanks Is

Once upon a time, many years ago, I met a girl who didn't know who Tom Hanks was.  I don't remember much else about her, but it doesn't matter.  The only thing that matters is that she was a fully functioning member of modern society and she did not know who Tom Hanks was.

Arguably the most famous actor in the history of ever. 

This discovery came about while we were playing a game of 20 Questions.  At the time I was working at the Metropolitan Museum of Art gift shop at Rockefeller Center.  Which sounds really cool but mostly just meant we spent a lot of time standing around, polishing glass display cases, watching Japanese tourists pick out souvenir umbrellas and playing games.

I was attempting to get my coworkers to guess, that's right, Tom Hanks.  It should not have been difficult.  Once you got to the point where you had narrowed it down to 'male actor, middle-aged, brown hair, stars in movies both dramatic and comedic' and started just throwing out random names, his should have been at the top of the list. 

When someone finally guessed right this girl had no idea who we were talking about.

She reacted like a normal person might react if I had said I was trying to get you to guess Michael Biehn.

(Michael Biehn starred in The Terminator and Aliens before, for all intents and purposes, falling of the face of the Earth.)

There is no rational excuse that I can think of that would explain how a person who has not just woken up from a lifelong coma could be unfamiliar with Tom Hanks.

He's Tom Fucking Hanks.

People in Third World countries know who Tom Hanks is.

If you traveled to Namibia and asked children "What do you know about America?" they would say McDonald's and Tom Hanks.

Babies are born knowing two things, how to breathe on their own and who Tom Hanks is.

This happened in 2006.  Do you remember what else happened in 2006?  I'll tell you.  The Da Vinci Code was released in theaters worldwide.

And do you remember where I said we were when this happened?  That's right, New York Goddamn City.

Do you know what happens in New York City when a major motion picture starring the most famous actor in the history of ever is released?

Giant fucking billboards EVERYWHERE. 

Tom Hanks' face and name were plastered all over the city.  She probably could have seen him from where she was standing.

And the name didn't ring any bells for her.  Not a single bell was rung that day.

I am still baffled.