Hell (updated)

This is what I imagine Hell would be like, if it was real:

You're itchy.  Not all over and not all the time, but one spot at a time and as soon as that stops itching somewhere else starts to itch.  Like being bitten by fleas for all eternity.

Also, you're cold.  Not frost-bite cold, but just cold enough that you think everything would be fine if you could just find a sweater. 

And you're thirsty.  And hungry.  And the smell of your favorite food keeps wafting towards you from somewhere.

Also, you have to pee.  And take a dump.  

There's a pebble in one shoe and a hole in your other sock that one toe is sticking through and you can't fix it.

The most annoying person you know is telling you all about their day and you can't get away from them because you can't move.  Whenever you try to tell them to shut up, all that comes out is "Oh, that's interesting. Tell me more."

Plus, they're a close-talker, so they're all up in your bubble.  And their breath smells like they ate a dead rat that was wearing a shitty diaper.

And just behind them, behind a glass wall, all of your friends are having the best party ever.  They're doing all the things you love and eating all your favorite foods.  Which sucks even more because you're already so hungry.  And every once and a while you catch snippets of conversation like "I'm sure glad (your name) isn't here.  I never really liked him/her".

And one of the guests at the party is the hottest person you can think of but you can't ever get a good look at them because someone is always blocking your view. 

In the background, the first line to "What's New Pussycat" is playing on a loop.  And every once and while that will stop and you'll hear the dial-up internet noise.

But not in any pattern so that you can prepare yourself.  Just completely randomly.  

And sometimes it's that annoying British siren.  

And sometimes it's 'Friday' by Rebecca Black.  But only the word 'friday' over and over and over and over....

Oh, and you have a bit of a dull headache just behind your left eye.  

And you just woke up.  But forever.

And you're pretty sure you forgot something important but you can't figure out what.  And you never will....