**This was originally part of my "Things Most People Think They Are Good At (Which Most People Are Wrong About)" Series. The series was two posts long. Also, it had a stupidly long-winded name.
Telling Stories
I hate listening to people tell me stories about their life. Maybe I'm just especially self-centered, but I don't really think I'm alone in this. Good story tellers are rare and much beloved and usually become famous. Like Kevin Smith. He can tell a story. Because the things that happen to him are interesting. Like playing basketball with Prince.
Most of us have never played basketball with an eccentric pop-star. Most of us just have stories about how drunk we got that one time or the cute thing our kid said this morning. No one else needs to hear those stories.
Other people's stories are like other people's vacation pictures. You can only sit through so much before you want to set yourself on fire. But you can't tell the other person to shut up/stop their slide show without sounding like an asshole.
So, no matter how precious your daughter's dance recital was, please limit your description of it. You can show me one picture of her in her outfit and tell me one song she danced to but that's it.
Now assuming you do actually have an interesting story. Just because your content is worthwhile, doesn't mean you're going to tell it well. So please, for the love of all that is good and holy, get your facts straight before you start. Because I guarantee you that if you have to stop mid-sentence to remember whether it was on a Friday or a Saturday or if you were at a Burger King or a McDonald's, you've lost me. Just pick one and go with it. Better yet, who cares? Edit.
Details are critical. Too many and you risk losing your audience. Too few and you're not going to paint an accurate picture. So decide before you've even started what is important to this story. Does it matter what time it was? Probably not. Does it matter that the angry midget had a German accent? Yes, yes it does.
So at this point, you know you've got a interesting story on your hands. And you remember it clearly. You're not going to tell me that you ordered a Big Mac, but you are going to tell me that the angry, German midget ordered fries for himself and apple slices for his miniature pony.
The only thing holding this story back from being epic is your performance. You have to commit. If you don't break out your best angry, German midget accent for this story you are not doing it justice.
*Note: Some of you may have read this and thought,
"Hey, Heather doesn't tell many stories. What makes her an expert?"
To which I reply,
"You're right, I don't. And you're welcome."
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